A Marriage Ends, Fear Sets In

Imagine something for me. Picture the most stable, loving, communicating couple you know. You know the one. They've been married for a million years and even though you may be in your early(I will not say mid-thirties until I'm 35)thirties, like me, but they are the couple you aspire to be "when I grow up". I'm not talking about the "happy" marriages that mearly camoflauge all the garbage that happens inside the privacy of homes. A real, bonified healthy, honesty-filled, love story between a man and his wife...that's the one! That couple.

Now imagine one day, out of NO WHERE, the female counterpart announces "Darren, wants a divorce." What?!! Did she just say "Divorce?" You may be shocked, as I was. Saddened, like I was. Terrified like I am.

This happened to me....Friday to be exact. This news came by way of a friend who is about twenty years my elder. I have known her for about twelve years. She is a rock, yet never abrasive. She is always on an even keel. She's not the life of the party but she's witty at just the perfect moment. She's mild yet strong.

I see my friend about once a month and every time I love her accounts of her and her husband's latest adventures, talks, sharing of life. They have two grown boys and their empty-nest-dating-cycle had begun. They weren't one of those couples who enthrall themselves with all things children and then realize they have completely lost their bond to each other. This couple was different. They modeled a respectful, courteous, supportive love of each other, a priceless portrait for children. They were the best parents they could possibly be, but were now at a position in their lives where parental advice is solicited, not freely distributed. They were completely comfortable with that status. They were enjoying all the things a couple should when responsibility is lessened.

There's the back story.

I cried as she mourned for her marriage..thought to my self, then said out loud "If you guys don't make it, who does?" Tears streaming simultaneously, she whimpers "I don't know." Enter the fear.

Mitch and I have had a recent rough patch. Nothing damning, just rough. We are being very intentional, things are truly improving. But I wonder, in twenty years will he resent me for things that are happening now? Will I resent him? Could he hate me? Am I being deceived by the belief that a marriage built on the foundation of Christ will stand? If I look out through the wounded heart of my friend the answer could be an unequivocal, yes. That.Is.Scary...Terrifying.