Heeeeeeeere's Veronica!

I am Veronica…39. I am married to my husband Luke and have two boys Garrett 9 and Gage 3. This is my second marriage. My life experiences over flow in ways that have been painful and life changing teaching me a deep compassion for others who grow up with less.. Not money but, less love.. less examples... Life is hard enough and even more so when you are unsure how to love yourself, let alone God. Parents are staples to a family... holding it together…with love and support … my staples did not hold up… they let go. My father let go to alcohol and my mother to the LAW of the bible that had no grace, teachings of a church that did not serve her well. They had nine children and I am the baby.

I call myself a foster-wife. A foster wife because I come from an alcoholic father, a mother who could not offer consistent love and support and an abusive marriage of 12 years and a small child – and now divorced. What a package! There are a lot of us out there, hoping for a chance to have a good second chance ..A good husband… someone to show us what a good life looks likes and feels like. We have little to offer at first and need a lot. We do not trust easily. We are sometimes very angry and very confused!!!!

I still question why he would want to bring me into his life, and I am sure he has too, on our worst days. I am forever grateful he did. My life has changed, my surroundings are secure… I am safe and loved… He has encouraged me and forgiven me over and over and over - and with his help my life is better than it has ever been. I am finally safe emotionally but I am still learning to love myself and with each passing day a small piece of me is repaired. I now have a wonderful group of friends and have been able to finally love God and feel his love in return. I still have a lot of work ahead.

It’s hard to turn away from how we were raised…some of us need too.. It’s like swimming against currents, you get tired and it’s painful. I still desire my mother’s approval - I love and I miss her terribly. My father has passed away and my mother is living but unable to have a relationship with me. She struggles to maintain relationships with all of the children.

I hope swimming against the current pays off for my children. Little do they know my arms are soon very tired. This is hard for me. I would love to go back and do what is comfortable; please my mother or maybe drink but I will never, for I know the pain it has caused me. I am not a perfect parent by any means but I love my children and I love the Lord. I am doing my best to love them through life’s up and downs, understand them before judging and always let them know I am not perfect and apologize for my shortcomings.