Relationship 101

They are all around me. Disintegrating friendships. I spent the day with my kindergarten son on a field trip. I was so at ease in their innocent world. Giggles, wonder, and naive interrogation filled the day. The biggest concern of their day..the dipping sauce they would choose for their chicken nuggets. Little Red Riding Hood at an historic theater then a tour of a chocolate factory were the focus of the day but not the highlight of mine. I observed their interactions, jealous of the simplicity of their relations. The random chatter was reciprocated and received without judgment. I didn't really understand my fascination..until I came home and my friend Trina called.
Trina is a close friend of mine outside of my coffee girls. We disagree on many political issues but share the same morals, Type A personalities, and our God. In some ways we are so alike it's creepy. We have the same disagreements with out husbands, same passions for protective parenting and soft hearts that not everyone sees because of our strong personalities. We share many mutual friends in our small community. There have been some serious issues with Trina's family and another friends' family because they have children of the same age. Trina has kept many of the issues to herself, knowing they would not be received well by our friends. But today something happened that had Trina concerned for our friends, Matthew and Kathy's oldest son. Safety concerns that could have easily led to devastating, physical harm or fatality.
Matthew immediately denied that his son could ever have been involved in such foolishness(Seriously? He's a fourteen year old boy..hello!). Matthew verbally attacked and belittled Trina leaving her in a defeated pile. Matthew is the only person I have ever met that truly believes he is NEVER wrong. Yes, there is arrogance in many of us when we are passionate about an issue but most people at some point when alone with their thoughts will consider the view of others. Not Matthew. He will talk louder and with more conviction than the strongest of souls and competes in every aspect of life. He sounds very intimidating, which he is, but when you witness it, it is evidently childish.
I talked to Trina for almost an hour trying to encourage her that she did what she did out of pure, loving concern and shouldn't second guess herself.
I found myself so frustrated by the way that adults communicate with each other. Through different stages of my life I have had a few strong friendships, some lasting, some that crashed and burned.
So, why? Breakdowns or adherence to some very simple principles required for a friendship worth fitting in to my life.

• Kindness is essential
• Character and Integrity a must
• Honesty, crucial
• Forgiveness, necessary.

Some may wonder why not respect? Well, if we are focused on being kind to one another, respect happens on its own. Veronica pointed out to me, if you practice kindness even when it's tough, it will become second nature, genuine. If a friend has strong character and integrity, they are worthy of my trust and I don't have to fear gossip when we disagree. Honesty is the one that is the hardest, even for me. Not in the obvious ways, I want the real stuff. Not only in tongue, but the words your afraid to say. I don't want my feelings being protected if there is something in my life that needs rebuking. I may hurt, but again if you exhibit admirable character and integrity, I can respect your opinion. Forgive me. All the time. Accept me for the flawed being that I am and love me anyway.

Childishness has it's place, I visited it twice today. Once, where it belongs and once where it doesn't. I'm wanting the relationships but there has to be new playground rules.