Abigail here. I grew up in a middle class family in the area I still live in today. My family consisted of dad, mom and three girls…and I was in the middle. My dad was a hard worker, very organized and firm…never home, unaffectionate and an alcoholic. Although I loved him and still do, dearly, I feared him and liked when he wasn’t around. My mom on the other hand was compassionate, filled with love, and always there. Her girls were her life and still are.
As a child I was kept busy with chores. Of course, I have fond memories of the fun times but CHORES were of the up most importance. The vacations we took as a family I wish I could write were fun, but let’s just say it was an adventure. The fun I remember at home rarely included my dad. Which I truly wish was different. Much of my youth, I escaped to friends’ houses to avoid all the tension at home.
I have attended church faithfully my entire life. As a child, my family went because my dad didn’t want the call from his parents questioning why we weren’t there. However, God knew I needed that guidance in my life. He gave me a childhood friend whose parents showed me love and what a home that loves Christ looks like. I received Christ and was baptized at the age of 10. I didn’t have my own home to back me up. My mom loved Jesus but she was never strict and with my dad not backing her or vice versa, I wasn’t taught how to LIVE for the Lord I had just received.
I was a cheerleader from Pee-Wee until I graduated High School. I loved it and I enjoyed the freedom I was allowed having with it. Most of my learning experiences of being an adolescent came from watching my older sister. I learned what NOT to do from the consequences she suffered by the harsh punishment from my dad. Therefore, I never partied, nor did I drink or smoke. Also, from seeing how my sister allowed boys to treat her, they weren’t something I was too fond of either. However, at the early age of 15, I met Travis. Little did I know he would become my best friend and love of my life.
My parents’ marriage had been rocky for pretty much most of it, but I was blind to see it, until the age of 16 when my mom finally decided she was done, done with the drinking and mental and physical abuse….oh did I mention, she told me she left because I said to her “mom, why are you still with dad, since he treats you so badly?”…yea, the pressure! Anyway, it was long over due, so the summer before my senior year of High School was spent having my life flipped upside down. The only thing that stayed the same was Travis. He stood by me and helped me get through the very ugly divorce.
As a senior in high school, Travis asked me to marry him…and not because I was pregnant, because we were in LOVE. Travis and I decided that we were going to wait to have sex until we got married….I wish I could write that we stuck with the plan, but we didn’t. We did, however, get married the year after High School. I was still in college and working. That first year of marriage was SO hard. I kept wondering, who is this guy? Do I even love him? If his mom could have just let go of her control, things wouldn’t have been so bad. Eventually she did!
After graduating from college and working full time, it is now three years into our marriage. Our 1st daughter was born Rachel….a few years later, and another daughter is born, Macy. It doesn’t stop there. Another two years, you guessed it, another daughter, Raelin. Here is when I have to add in my miscarriage. My heart was broken. God is the healer and I trusted him. I did recover physically, not quite mentally yet, but oops, pregnant again and along came our 4th and final daughter Jane. I will repeat it for you, four girls.
During my first pregnancy for Rachel, I realized how important it was to me to raise my children for God. Not just to attend church, but I wanted them to LIVE for HIM. Travis, on the other hand, didn’t attend church as a child and only started going with me as a teen. This thought of mine was crazy to him. Yet he still went with me most of the time, just to please me. Travis’s sister attended the same church as I did…the one I grew up in. After some major family issues on my husband’s side, Travis and I decided we need to leave this church and find our own. I felt like I was going through my parents’ divorce all over, yet with the church family I loved and grew up in. Only to realize months later, God’s plan was bigger than my sorrow. Not only did he bless me with a wonderful new church family, Travis came to know Christ on his own and was baptized into the family of believers when I was pregnant with Raelin. Pure joy!
I am madly in love with Travis, and God has only blessed our marriage. Travis and I physically and successfully built our own home which we are now raising our four daughters in. Which by the way are 10, 7, 5, and 3 years old. I can say our house is filled with drama, tears, heartache and chatter from top to bottom…but is also filled with love, friendship, laughter, and fun times.
I am a stay at home mom who loves her job. I like a clean house but have to fight for it. I like to be in control but life won’t let you tame it. I am serious but love laughter. I am a 32-year-old wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and child of God. I am blessed with GRACE. I am Abigail.
Showing posts with label getting to know us. Show all posts
Showing posts with label getting to know us. Show all posts
Monday, January 18, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Heeeeeeeere's Veronica!
I am Veronica…39. I am married to my husband Luke and have two boys Garrett 9 and Gage 3. This is my second marriage. My life experiences over flow in ways that have been painful and life changing teaching me a deep compassion for others who grow up with less.. Not money but, less love.. less examples... Life is hard enough and even more so when you are unsure how to love yourself, let alone God. Parents are staples to a family... holding it together…with love and support … my staples did not hold up… they let go. My father let go to alcohol and my mother to the LAW of the bible that had no grace, teachings of a church that did not serve her well. They had nine children and I am the baby.
I call myself a foster-wife. A foster wife because I come from an alcoholic father, a mother who could not offer consistent love and support and an abusive marriage of 12 years and a small child – and now divorced. What a package! There are a lot of us out there, hoping for a chance to have a good second chance ..A good husband… someone to show us what a good life looks likes and feels like. We have little to offer at first and need a lot. We do not trust easily. We are sometimes very angry and very confused!!!!
I still question why he would want to bring me into his life, and I am sure he has too, on our worst days. I am forever grateful he did. My life has changed, my surroundings are secure… I am safe and loved… He has encouraged me and forgiven me over and over and over - and with his help my life is better than it has ever been. I am finally safe emotionally but I am still learning to love myself and with each passing day a small piece of me is repaired. I now have a wonderful group of friends and have been able to finally love God and feel his love in return. I still have a lot of work ahead.
It’s hard to turn away from how we were raised…some of us need too.. It’s like swimming against currents, you get tired and it’s painful. I still desire my mother’s approval - I love and I miss her terribly. My father has passed away and my mother is living but unable to have a relationship with me. She struggles to maintain relationships with all of the children.
I hope swimming against the current pays off for my children. Little do they know my arms are soon very tired. This is hard for me. I would love to go back and do what is comfortable; please my mother or maybe drink but I will never, for I know the pain it has caused me. I am not a perfect parent by any means but I love my children and I love the Lord. I am doing my best to love them through life’s up and downs, understand them before judging and always let them know I am not perfect and apologize for my shortcomings.
I call myself a foster-wife. A foster wife because I come from an alcoholic father, a mother who could not offer consistent love and support and an abusive marriage of 12 years and a small child – and now divorced. What a package! There are a lot of us out there, hoping for a chance to have a good second chance ..A good husband… someone to show us what a good life looks likes and feels like. We have little to offer at first and need a lot. We do not trust easily. We are sometimes very angry and very confused!!!!
I still question why he would want to bring me into his life, and I am sure he has too, on our worst days. I am forever grateful he did. My life has changed, my surroundings are secure… I am safe and loved… He has encouraged me and forgiven me over and over and over - and with his help my life is better than it has ever been. I am finally safe emotionally but I am still learning to love myself and with each passing day a small piece of me is repaired. I now have a wonderful group of friends and have been able to finally love God and feel his love in return. I still have a lot of work ahead.
It’s hard to turn away from how we were raised…some of us need too.. It’s like swimming against currents, you get tired and it’s painful. I still desire my mother’s approval - I love and I miss her terribly. My father has passed away and my mother is living but unable to have a relationship with me. She struggles to maintain relationships with all of the children.
I hope swimming against the current pays off for my children. Little do they know my arms are soon very tired. This is hard for me. I would love to go back and do what is comfortable; please my mother or maybe drink but I will never, for I know the pain it has caused me. I am not a perfect parent by any means but I love my children and I love the Lord. I am doing my best to love them through life’s up and downs, understand them before judging and always let them know I am not perfect and apologize for my shortcomings.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Meet my Friend Susan
My name is Susan. I was raised in a small town where religion played a big role in most everyone’s lives. I was raised in a Christian home, or for the most part that is what I believed. Sadly now, when I reflect, I can see it as being lukewarm Christianity.
I am the oldest of three children and the only girl. I loved my two younger brothers very much but always felt like an outsider. I longed for a sister to talk to and do things with. Someone I could confide in. I was raised in a strict home, yet now can see that my parents were not as "mean" as I thought them to be. Actually, I look back and see that I am thankful for that upbringing. I have great memories of vacations, short spontaneous trips here and there. Sadly, I have no memories of just good ole’ family bonding. No memory of mother/daughter times like shopping together, baking together, walks, talks, etc.
It seemed like my parents were always too busy. My parents both worked very hard and always provided well for our family. I wish they had been around more often than they were. I never really had a close relationship with my parents (especially my mom). I felt I was the problem when my parents were to get into an argument. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 16 and delivered me at 17. I tended to feel that I was a mistake. If not for me, they would never have felt pressure to marry. Therefore, would not fight over things and would be much happier. Of course, today, I know better and my parents will be celebrating 38 years of marriage later this year.
Because I was not close to my parents, I learned everything about what a young girl experiences through adolescence from friends or their parents. I attended school and had many close friends. I was what you would refer to as a social butterfly. In High School I received average grades, was involved in school clubs and also in the marching band flag corp-all while working an after school job at least 3-4 days a week. For the most part, I was a good child until I reached High School and decided to spread my wings. I was never given "the talk." But, was always told, "No sex, no drugs, no alcohol and wear your seat belt”, as I was walked out the door. I started hanging out with the wilder crowd, turning to drinking and partying. I never experimented with drugs or anything like that, just drank. I did try to smoke once, turned green and vomited and never tried that again. I dated off and on through High School but never really had any serious relationships. Unfortunately at the age of 16, I lost my virginity to someone that I thought I loved and who I thought loved me. I truly regret that I didn’t save what is supposed to be the most special time in a girl’s life for my husband.
Thankfully, during the beginning of my junior year I met Kevin while camping with my parents. Ever hear of "Love at First Site?" I had heard of it but never believed that it could truly exist. I found out I was wrong. Kevin was unlike other guys I dated. Kevin was a gentleman. He was respectful. Kevin genuinely cared about ME; he was not after that "one thing" that most other guys were interested in. Kevin and I were now dating exclusively. I started to attend Church with him and his family. I found new friends who were a better influence on me. Kevin and I dated through the rest of our High School days and after we graduated, we decided to attend the same college.
We were both working full time and going to school full time. We lived for the weekends when we could spend some quality time together. We both graduated from college with associate degrees. We had been dating for five years (which to me, seemed like eons!!!) before Kevin popped the big question. He proposed as we took a sunset walk along the beach during a vacation with my family. Of course I said yes! Kevin and I were married a year later. We both worked full time jobs, bought a home and settled into Small Town USA, where we still reside.
Two years into our marriage, Kevin and I decided that we wanted to start a family. Sadly, things did not go as we had planned and we were unable to conceive. So, a long story short, we found out that I had endometriosis, which caused the problems with infertility. In March of 1999 I had surgery...............low and behold, two weeks later I was pregnant! We were so excited! More so, when we found out that we were expecting TWINS!!!!!
Despite a very scary, high-risk, total bed rest pregnancy, our beautiful daughter and precious son were born nine months later. Lauren weighed in at 6lbs 2 oz. and Landon at 5lbs 2 oz. Being a mother of twins was very stressful, time consuming and tiring. (Actually, it still is!) Kevin’s job was taking him out of town for about 75% of the year. With the help of God, family members and so many friends, we made it through.
After the twins were born, Kevin and I decided that I would be a stay-at-home mom which was definitely a huge adjustment for us. I was earning almost as much as Kevin in income! We may have lived pay-check-to-pay-check but we were happy.
Kevin and I always knew that we wanted more children and four years later decided to try again. We were able to conceive right away but, unfortunately, two months into my pregnancy I suffered a miscarriage. I was totally devastated. Again, with the help of God, family and friends I was able to move past that loss. We decided to try again five months later. Again, Kevin and I were able to conceive right away. Five years, two months after our twins were born, we had a bouncing baby girl, Lily, who weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 6oz.
So, almost five years later (after Lily) I am still a stay-at-home mom and loving it! Kevin still travels quite often with his job and at times I feel like a single mom. I deal as well as I can. I have been truly blessed in SO MANY WAYS! I love my God and am so glad that I have His Grace to carry me through life.
I LOVE MY COFFEE CLUB GIRLS and I look forward to getting together with them, where we can talk, laugh, cry, gripe, eat and of course drink coffee!
I am the oldest of three children and the only girl. I loved my two younger brothers very much but always felt like an outsider. I longed for a sister to talk to and do things with. Someone I could confide in. I was raised in a strict home, yet now can see that my parents were not as "mean" as I thought them to be. Actually, I look back and see that I am thankful for that upbringing. I have great memories of vacations, short spontaneous trips here and there. Sadly, I have no memories of just good ole’ family bonding. No memory of mother/daughter times like shopping together, baking together, walks, talks, etc.
It seemed like my parents were always too busy. My parents both worked very hard and always provided well for our family. I wish they had been around more often than they were. I never really had a close relationship with my parents (especially my mom). I felt I was the problem when my parents were to get into an argument. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 16 and delivered me at 17. I tended to feel that I was a mistake. If not for me, they would never have felt pressure to marry. Therefore, would not fight over things and would be much happier. Of course, today, I know better and my parents will be celebrating 38 years of marriage later this year.
Because I was not close to my parents, I learned everything about what a young girl experiences through adolescence from friends or their parents. I attended school and had many close friends. I was what you would refer to as a social butterfly. In High School I received average grades, was involved in school clubs and also in the marching band flag corp-all while working an after school job at least 3-4 days a week. For the most part, I was a good child until I reached High School and decided to spread my wings. I was never given "the talk." But, was always told, "No sex, no drugs, no alcohol and wear your seat belt”, as I was walked out the door. I started hanging out with the wilder crowd, turning to drinking and partying. I never experimented with drugs or anything like that, just drank. I did try to smoke once, turned green and vomited and never tried that again. I dated off and on through High School but never really had any serious relationships. Unfortunately at the age of 16, I lost my virginity to someone that I thought I loved and who I thought loved me. I truly regret that I didn’t save what is supposed to be the most special time in a girl’s life for my husband.
Thankfully, during the beginning of my junior year I met Kevin while camping with my parents. Ever hear of "Love at First Site?" I had heard of it but never believed that it could truly exist. I found out I was wrong. Kevin was unlike other guys I dated. Kevin was a gentleman. He was respectful. Kevin genuinely cared about ME; he was not after that "one thing" that most other guys were interested in. Kevin and I were now dating exclusively. I started to attend Church with him and his family. I found new friends who were a better influence on me. Kevin and I dated through the rest of our High School days and after we graduated, we decided to attend the same college.
We were both working full time and going to school full time. We lived for the weekends when we could spend some quality time together. We both graduated from college with associate degrees. We had been dating for five years (which to me, seemed like eons!!!) before Kevin popped the big question. He proposed as we took a sunset walk along the beach during a vacation with my family. Of course I said yes! Kevin and I were married a year later. We both worked full time jobs, bought a home and settled into Small Town USA, where we still reside.
Two years into our marriage, Kevin and I decided that we wanted to start a family. Sadly, things did not go as we had planned and we were unable to conceive. So, a long story short, we found out that I had endometriosis, which caused the problems with infertility. In March of 1999 I had surgery...............low and behold, two weeks later I was pregnant! We were so excited! More so, when we found out that we were expecting TWINS!!!!!
Despite a very scary, high-risk, total bed rest pregnancy, our beautiful daughter and precious son were born nine months later. Lauren weighed in at 6lbs 2 oz. and Landon at 5lbs 2 oz. Being a mother of twins was very stressful, time consuming and tiring. (Actually, it still is!) Kevin’s job was taking him out of town for about 75% of the year. With the help of God, family members and so many friends, we made it through.
After the twins were born, Kevin and I decided that I would be a stay-at-home mom which was definitely a huge adjustment for us. I was earning almost as much as Kevin in income! We may have lived pay-check-to-pay-check but we were happy.
Kevin and I always knew that we wanted more children and four years later decided to try again. We were able to conceive right away but, unfortunately, two months into my pregnancy I suffered a miscarriage. I was totally devastated. Again, with the help of God, family and friends I was able to move past that loss. We decided to try again five months later. Again, Kevin and I were able to conceive right away. Five years, two months after our twins were born, we had a bouncing baby girl, Lily, who weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 6oz.
So, almost five years later (after Lily) I am still a stay-at-home mom and loving it! Kevin still travels quite often with his job and at times I feel like a single mom. I deal as well as I can. I have been truly blessed in SO MANY WAYS! I love my God and am so glad that I have His Grace to carry me through life.
I LOVE MY COFFEE CLUB GIRLS and I look forward to getting together with them, where we can talk, laugh, cry, gripe, eat and of course drink coffee!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Starting With Tuesdays
This is a blog inspired by five ladies who meet on Tuesdays for coffee. We have different upbringing, similar upbringing, completely different struggles, similar struggles, boys, girls, twins and one of each. We live in a rural county where "Redneck" is an acceptable lifestyle rather than the punch line of a joke.
When we started, I thought it would be fun "Mommy Time", not realizing how therapeutic and necessary it was to my survival as a wife and mother. We live in a world where women compete for men, jobs, social status and fit figures. There is a cliche that women cannot coexist without drama . . . wells that may be true and probably is true, even with us. But the drama that we share is real life: joy, heartache, tears, laughter, sweat pants and coffee.
There is one overwhelming component of our friendship that weaves us tighter than any possible human bond. The Spirit of Christ dwelling in us that inspires us to be and become, reverent wives, good mommies, serving hands and loyal friends. If the last sentence does not interest you or even make sense to you, don't turn us off.
Though we have this undeserving grace, do not presume what you read will always be pretty, nice or even politically correct. We may lean left or right. We laugh about things we shouldn't. We complain although blessed and cry at the sight of another's heartache. We are passionate, emotional, vulnerable, complex, strong, devoted, sincere, judgmental, accepting, bitchy(well that would be I), humble, selfish, compassionate, funny, busy, loving, caring women . . . created as a work of art by the Artist of all artists-who probably more than once has wanted to remove some of the brush strokes we have added. We're flawed, forgiven friends.
I, Ellen(who does not have a spirit quite as gentle as her counterparts, but is working on it) will be the author of this blog with my coffee cohorts guesting as contributing writers, all of us amateur, as will be evident. Sometimes I will share what I walked away with from a Tuesday chat, funny "sound" bytes, opinions about husbands, relationships and of course kids: raising, protecting, nurturing, disciplining and laughing with them.
Our only expectation in our friendship? .........Be real.
Don't be offended by what we say on Tuesday we may completely change our perspective by Wednesday, we're women.
The next five days' posts will introduce you to me(Ellen), Veronica, Monica, Abigail and Susan- the girls who meet on Tuesdays and "Spill" over coffee!!
When we started, I thought it would be fun "Mommy Time", not realizing how therapeutic and necessary it was to my survival as a wife and mother. We live in a world where women compete for men, jobs, social status and fit figures. There is a cliche that women cannot coexist without drama . . . wells that may be true and probably is true, even with us. But the drama that we share is real life: joy, heartache, tears, laughter, sweat pants and coffee.
There is one overwhelming component of our friendship that weaves us tighter than any possible human bond. The Spirit of Christ dwelling in us that inspires us to be and become, reverent wives, good mommies, serving hands and loyal friends. If the last sentence does not interest you or even make sense to you, don't turn us off.
Though we have this undeserving grace, do not presume what you read will always be pretty, nice or even politically correct. We may lean left or right. We laugh about things we shouldn't. We complain although blessed and cry at the sight of another's heartache. We are passionate, emotional, vulnerable, complex, strong, devoted, sincere, judgmental, accepting, bitchy(well that would be I), humble, selfish, compassionate, funny, busy, loving, caring women . . . created as a work of art by the Artist of all artists-who probably more than once has wanted to remove some of the brush strokes we have added. We're flawed, forgiven friends.
I, Ellen(who does not have a spirit quite as gentle as her counterparts, but is working on it) will be the author of this blog with my coffee cohorts guesting as contributing writers, all of us amateur, as will be evident. Sometimes I will share what I walked away with from a Tuesday chat, funny "sound" bytes, opinions about husbands, relationships and of course kids: raising, protecting, nurturing, disciplining and laughing with them.
Our only expectation in our friendship? .........Be real.
Don't be offended by what we say on Tuesday we may completely change our perspective by Wednesday, we're women.
The next five days' posts will introduce you to me(Ellen), Veronica, Monica, Abigail and Susan- the girls who meet on Tuesdays and "Spill" over coffee!!
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